sometimes I have dreams, i wish i could live in those dreams now, i dream of touring with Rth, i dream of building things, i dream of coming home to a beautiful wife, i dream of fixing up my house, i dream of feeding the dog and cats when i get home from work, i dream of leaving work at work, i dream of never having to do homework again, i dream of providing for a family, i dream of traveling to new places, i dream of adventure!

is adventure out of my grasp?
does adventure cost money?
the only time i feel alive anymore, is when im with my Ali, or when im on stage screaming at kids my thoughts on G-d and the world

i feel an aching in my soul
i want to see my ali everyday
could this be, just because she's now at home and away from me for the first time in a week and a half?
I miss her
i know this is small stuff compared to my good buddy chaz, who is away from family, friends and his girl
maybe i should write in my journal again
maybe this aching is from something else
my heart aches to be set free
but it seems like the canopy of normal life, and bills, suck the life out of me
i want to be free
i want to work the field for my food
i want to go chop down trees to build my house
i want to wake up at 3a.m. to feed the horses
i want to look in my wife's eyes knowing she sees the man that will protect her
why does life have to be complicated, with savings plans, with computers, with stores with a millions things we'll never need
why do people only communicate through texting now
why is it cool, just b/c i can play music on my phone, why do i smile when someone says i have a cool phone
why does it matter

maybe taking everything away is not the answer
maybe learning to live in it is how to be a man
maybe leaving among it but not in it
maybe not getting caught up with these things
I hate money, but money is the only way i'll afford a ring
a house, a car, food on the table, cool and heat in the house, food for the dog and cats, hay for the horses, argh! money
sometimes i feel like its the only thing holding me back
or maybe G-d is saying wait........

maybe im rushing things
maybe those things will come in his time
maybe my heart longs for them, because its what im meant for
maybe im to inspire others
maybe im to inspire myself
maybe im to live and love now
maybe thats my adventure
maybe im to love everyone
maybe im to give everything i have
maybe im to be different
maybe im to be integrity
maybe i need rest
maybe i need peace

maybe i should change i want... i want... into... its yours... its yours....
maybe i should stop saying why, and say thankyou
maybe i should love and see the adventure in everyday life
maybe my long to be a man, is the longing for my real self to come out
maybe G-d is preparing
maybe i should worry about right now, tonight, maybe today is all that counts, tomorrow may not come
G-d is always here

hey guys, its been a while. but like most people that write these things I know they feel like no one reads them, oh well just felt like writing

I just finished recording vocals on the Return The Hero Album, it was super hard, I cringe everytime I think about it, my throat hurt so bad, Ive come to the conclusion I wasnt meant to be a screamer in a band, but God's grace is sufficient and I'll continue to truck along until I feel I am not suppose to be in the band anymore

I really wanna jam with Chaz and steve, i talked to ensley today, and I think im gonna get him to jam too, so that sounds like a pretty awesome band to me, I feel a real kindred spirit with all those guys, and i think steve and my differences on theology and i guess the lack of theology will make for some good music, sometimes some fights, but hopefully love will conquer.

I saw Mewithoutyou thursday and they were so amazing, we listened to Aaron Weiss teach afterwards for about 2 hours, and I got to ask him some questions, it was really dagum AWESOME!! made me think of my life differently. Trying to find my place, and being a true servant, and how to love people more. The Gospel is really coming alive to me, and in some ways im still searching for what the Gospel, or goodnews is. God is merciful and full of compassion, thats pretty dagum good news.

Im really loving the new songs from norma jean, i like them lots

I love my girl a whole lot, and things with her are getting even better, until next time my friends :)